Rambling by Doug Bell

 “A miser grows rich by seeming poor; an extravagant man grows poor by seeming rich.” (William Shenstone) Temperance, and…

 “A miser grows rich by seeming poor; an extravagant man grows poor by seeming rich.” (William Shenstone)

Temperance, and intemperance …

He was a penny-pincher; well, she who told the tale said he was. 

His garage was narrow, leaving only space in front of the car for his lawn mower. It was ‘move the car, put it back, mow the lawn, move the car again.’ To save gas, he pushed the car out of the garage by hand, and returned it the same way. (Yes it was an “Armstrong” mower.)

She’s “thrifty” too. Well, I think so. The last time she and her friend holidayed in the tropics she packed her coffee pot and her friend brought the toaster, allowing them to breakfast economically in their economy motel room.

They were chintzy, what was he — the man who owned a greeting card shop? Naturally his wife received expensive, decorative cards, the best, at every celebratory event. His cards were different though — they were unsigned. They were on sale again the next day.

Now that’s chintzy, cheap too.

The flip side of the tightwad coin is Taxpayers Squanderland. Ah but that it were the fairyland it sounds. ‘Tis real, ‘tis ours, and ‘tis the total opposite of chintzy, stingy, parsimony. Why as we speak across the land, government mandarins have issued the orders of the day for the Ides of March.

Buy what you will, wherever you will; get rid of all leftover loonies else our budget shrinks by that amount next time around. It’s the opposite of Caesar’s Ides — no daggers, no parties, no coups just taxpayers dollars flowing like Niagara Falls, filling the coffers of small and big businesses across the land. A blessing in disguise, if the stuff is used?

For heaven’s sake, it’s only taxpayers’ dollars; it’s not as if it were real money,

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. (E. Joseph Crossman)

Check your stories …

“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.

“Yes, sir,” the man replied.

“Well, that makes everything just fine,” the boss replied. “While you were away at your grandmother’s funeral yesterday, she stopped in to see you.”

A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.

Keep well …

Some really old advice came to hand following a short stint watching a well-spoken, but long-talking, health guru on TV. The old expression “there’s nothing new under the sun” grabbed new meaning. The record says Akhenaton spake this in 1375 BC.

“Her name is Health; she is the daughter of Exercise, who begot her on Temperance. The rose blusheth on her cheeks, the sweetness of the morning breatheth from her lips; joy, tempered with innocence and modesty, sparkleth in her eyes and from the cheerfulness of her heart she singeth as she walketh.”

Methinks he gets the prize for brevity. The TV guru was still talking after an hour, and he had pictures too. When it’s boiled down and pored over for a while their advice is pretty much alike.

There’s a difference between an open mind and a hole in the head.

A Tip of the Hat to March with  its blessing of  long light and soothing warmth. Of course, like temperance, loonie spending frenzies, and other spring madness, there are differing views. Maxine, that inimitable cartoon woman, created by John Wagner in 1986, said, “It’s March, time to return the neighbour’s snow blower and borrow the riding mower.”

May this Irish blessing fall upon you wherever your spring and summer rambles take you. “May your pockets be heavy, your heart be light, and may good luck pursue you each morning and night.”