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 ‘Life is like a hot bath,” writes Robbert Oustin. “It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the…

 ‘Life is like a hot bath,” writes Robbert Oustin. “It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.” Ah, but Robbert wouldn’t you agree it’s better than the alternative?

The bozone layer …

Global warming is on everyone’s minds and lips these days, except for the weatherman who has given us a sample of a good-old-days winter cold spell.

One thing is still clear; temperatures in Fahrenheit still sound better, and warmer, than temperatures in Centigrade. Minus 10 F sounds a lot warmer than minus 26 C, right?

A dumb observation?

Certainly, yet, is it not also an example of the “bozone” we’re subjected to daily? Bozone is a new word which came to us courtesy of the Washington Post’s English Style Invitational where they challenge readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter and supplying a new definition.

Bozone was one of the 2003 winners. The meaning is “the substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating and is directly applicable to the Olympic Godfathers who have decreed our Canadian women ski jumpers shall not be allowed to participate or demonstrate their skills in the 2010 Olympics.

The originator of the word added “the bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.” Glibido is another of these ‘new’ words which we can apply to the Olympic OBC, meaning “all talk and no action”; although the only thing new is the word, they’re proven to be past masters at glibido, masterfully demonstrated in previous manipulations.

Oh I suppose this is a little thing in this world of social ills and spills and being polite Canadians we should welcome this prestigious sports body and their reputation for enjoying the fruits of the lands they visit with some BC prize-winning wines and fruit. Do you suppose we should include a warning to watch out for caterpallor. It’s another of those special words. It means “the colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.”

No, they’ll be OK; they’re sophisticated folk who need no help in mundane matters, but I live in hope.

I challenge you to listen carefully to these Olympic OBC gurus as they expound the reasons for their decision, then compare them to the following replies from children responding to questions about their parents.

“What’s the difference between moms and dads? “Moms work at work and work at home, and Dads just go to work at work.” Or, even better, “Moms have magic — they can make you feel better without medicine.”

Who would you choose as the wise ones today, the kids or the other folk? I’d choose the children, but they do have a competitive edge their eyes aren’t clouded with red tape and entrenched bureaucratic righteousness.

I wonder if any of our leaders will have the chutzpah to take the bull by the horns and tell the Olympic OBC, we are your hosts, we too have rules, in our home our gals are our equals.

We will not discriminate against them, and so they will jump, and any woman from anywhere in the world is welcome to come and join them.

Yes Virginia, we’ve entered the 21st century where we’ve surely matured and cast aside stupid forms of discrimination haven’t we? Yes, you’re so right, I’m naive, and, like that Obama fellow, I live in hope, and I still believe in Santa Claus.

A final touch of bozone to end the day?

Jimmy and his missus are in bed listening to the neighbour’s dog barking. It’s been barking for hours, keeping them awake. Suddenly Jimmy jumps out of bed, says, “I’ve had enough of this,” and away he goes.

After a while, he comes back to bed and his wife says, “The dog is still barking. What have you been doing?”

“I’ve fixed them,” he says. “I’ve put the dog in our yard. Now let’s see how they like it!”

A tip of the hat to the elimination of ‘bozone,’ its promoters and its practitioners, with the hope they’ll be followed by a bumper crop of practitioners of common sense to replace them.

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