They came billed as creative puns for educated minds.
Pun 1—She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.
The Middle East …
For a long time now I’ve been trying to get a better understanding of the Middle East and how it all came about. This came yesterday. Aha, an answer maybe?
A CNN journalist heard of an elderly Jewish man who had prayed at the Western Wall twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. She was sure there was a story there and went to check it out.
He came, he prayed for 45 minutes, and as he turned to leave she told him here name and asked his, and if she could have an interview. He told her his name, Morris.
“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”
“For about 60 years.”
“Sixty years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”
“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.”
“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”
“Like I’m talking to a ruddy wall.”
Oh well, back to the drawing board!
Pun 2—I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
The Darwin Awards …
Number seven, of the top 10 for the 2008 Darwin Awards, was prophetic in the extreme: a 49-year-old San Francisco stock broker, who, totally zoned when he ran, jogged off a 30-metre-high cliff on his daily run.
Those CEOs, and their “bonuses for leading us into the financial black hole” came to mind as possible replacements for poor zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt, of Paderborn, Germany, who won the top Darwin Award for 2008 and he was merely ministering to those in his care. He fed his favourite, but very constipated, elephant 22 doses of animal laxative, and a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the elephant began to get relief. To finish the job he apparently gave the elephant an olive oil enema. That did it, the blockage broke, violently. It was so forceful it knocked Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock ending his treatment, and his life.
Using these high-priced lads and lasses as examples, the lesson I’ve drawn is our governments can no longer tell me they have to pay big tax bucks to get the big brains so we taxpayers will get the best bang for our buck. T’ain’t necessarily so any longer now is it?
The examples don’t stop at these financial experts, but they’re a classic example of the results of hiring “experts” at overinflated salaries who have messed up. The international news is jammed with more stories of “experts” messing up.
The most mind boggling part of all this high-priced help is they’re apparently never accountable to anyone for anything, except another bonus as “the board” waves them bye-bye .
Pun 3—Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
I found a possible retirement home for some of them?
A tip of the hat to the weather man—he finally got it right!