More secret memos

To: Premier Pasloski From: Premierbunker Special Ops Unit Re: Operation Frackalicious Dear Premier, Everyone bought it. 

To: Premier Pasloski

From: Premierbunker

Special Ops Unit

Re: Operation Frackalicious

Dear Premier,

Everyone bought it. They are convinced the fracking documents we sent CBC were genuine and released “accidentally.”

The operation went according to plan, despite your worries that no one would believe our caucus could sit through a 12-page PowerPoint presentation with so many three-syllable words in it.

First, more people ended up reading Minister Kent’s speech than ever would have heard it, if he gave it normally. You remember how many people were awake when you last spoke at the chamber of commerce.

We should think about accidentally leaving your next campaign platform in the Dirty Northern pub.

Second, it smoked out Sandy Silver, the Liberal guy. On Monday he was quoted in the paper sounding a lot like Liz and reminding everyone he is against the safe-carefully-regulated-job-generating-tax-money-for-healthcare non-conventional energy industry. Now we can lump the NDP and Liberals together in the election campaign and say they hate jobs and we are the only party that is pro-job.

Best of all, we ruined the weekend of some of those CBC journalists who wrote mean stories about you last year. Surveillance teams report they spent the weekend at the office trying to upload the PDFs to their website’s clunky e-reader format.

Our agents report an unexpected bonus benefit: consultants love us! The fracking documents listed so many economic, environmental and public relations studies that they all can see dollar signs. We have to get those projects underway before the election. Then we can tell everyone that if Liz wins she will cancel their Liard Basin Red Squirrel Psychological Baseline contract.

We still don’t know if the final part of our plan will work: putting subliminal messages in the leaked documents. It took us forever to figure out the “watermark” feature in PowerPoint and to line up the first letter of every sentence to say “Join the Yukon Party. Resistance is Useless.”

I have high hopes that everyone at the Yukon Conservation Society will soon be wandering into the cabinet office with that zombie look in their eyes asking for membership forms.

Edna at the front desk has instructions to charge them double.

It was an especially nice touch, if I may say so myself, to send out an urgent government press release on the weekend saying the documents were released inadvertently. Sorry about that long word, but the focus group thought “by mistake” sounded bad.

The press release was great since it made us look panicky, which totally camouflages the rest of our operation. No one will ever guess the Chinese are already fracking in the Peel by drilling into the bottom of it from China. If we can figure out how to get all those yuan changed into dollars without the anti-money-laundering killjoys at the bank figuring it out, our election war chest will be full. We can put home-made radio ads on CKRW around the clock!

In terms of future operations, we should do the accidental leak strategy again. It worked well.

Much better than the other way around. You know, when Brad accidentally killed that affordable housing plan, and we pretended it was on purpose. That made us look like a party that hated housing and the middle class. Whereas really we love housing as much as we love fracking. In fact, maybe our slogan could be “a well under every home!”

Note to the reader: this memo is fiction. Any resemblance to reality is entirely coincidental.

Keith Halliday is a Yukon economist and author of the MacBride Museum’s Aurore of the Yukon series of historical children’s adventure novels. You can follow him on Channel 9’s “Yukonomist” show or Twitter @hallidaykeith

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Yukon Employees’ Union says a lack of staff training and high turnover at the Whitehorse Emergency Shelter is creating a dangerous situation for underpaid workers. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
Yukon Employees’ Union says lack of training at emergency shelter leading to unsafe situations

Health and Social Services Minister Pauline Frost said the staffing policy “is evolving”

Justice Karen Wenckebach will begin serving as resident judge on the Yukon Supreme Court early next year. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News)
All-female justice roster ‘a good step’ for diversity in Yukon Supreme Court

Karen Wenckebach is the third woman appointed to the Yukon Supreme Court in history

The Liberal government blocked a motion by Yukon Party MLA Brad Cathers that would have asked the federal government to provide the territories with more than a per capita amount of COVID-19 vaccine doses during initial distribution. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
Yukon Party says a per capita distribution of vaccines would leave Yukon short

The opposition is also asking the government to release their plan for vaccine distribution


Wyatt’s World for Dec. 4, 2020

Dawson City’s BHB Storage facility experienced a break-and-enter last month, according to Yukon RCMP. (File photo)
Storage lockers damaged, items stolen in Dawson City

BHB Storage facility victim to second Dawson City break-and-enter last month

A sign outside the Yukon Inn Convention Centre indicates Yukoners can get a flu vaccine inside. As of Dec. 4, the vaccinations won’t be available at the convention centre. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News)
Whitehorse Convention Centre ends flu vaccination service early

Flu vaccinations won’t be available at the Whitehorse Convention Centre after Dec.… Continue reading

Whitehorse City Hall. (Joel Krahn/Yukon News file)
City hall, briefly

A look at decisions made by Whitehorse city council this week

Nominations continue to be open for Northern Tutchone members of the White River First Nation to run for councillors in the 2021 election. (Maura Forrest/Yukon News File)
White River First Nation to elect new chief and council

Nominations continue to be open for Northern Tutchone members of the White… Continue reading

The Town of Watson Lake has elected John Devries as a new councillor in a byelection held Dec. 3. (Wikimedia Commons)
Watson Lake elects new councillor

The Town of Watson Lake has elected John Devries as a new… Continue reading

The new Little Salmon Carmacks First Nation council elected Dec. 1. (Submitted)
Little Salmon Carmacks elects new chief, council

Nicole Tom elected chief of Little Salmon Carcmacks First Nation

Submitted/Yukon News file
Yukon RCMP’s Historical Case Unit is seeking information related to the unsolved homicide of Allan Donald Waugh, 69, who was found deceased in his house on May 30, 2014.
Yukon RCMP investigating unsolved Allan Waugh homicide

Yukon RCMP’s Historical Case Unit is seeking information related to an unsolved… Continue reading

A jogger runs along Millenium Trail as the sun rises over the trees around 11 a.m. in Whitehorse on Dec. 12, 2018. The City of Whitehorse could soon have a new trail plan in place to serve as a guide in managing the more than 233 kilometres of trails the city manages. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
2020 trail plan comes forward

Policies and bylaws would look at e-mobility devices

Snow-making machines are pushed and pulled uphill at Mount Sima in 2015. The ski hill will be converting snow-making to electric power with more than $5 million in funding from the territorial and federal governments. (Joel Krahn/Yukon News file)
Mount Sima funded to cut diesel reliance

Mount Sima ski hill is converting its snowmaking to electric power with… Continue reading

Most Read