I love her … She just doesn’t know it. Yet.

Twitter. Twitter twitter twitter. It knows where she is.

Twitter.

Twitter twitter twitter.

It knows where she is. It tells me where she is.

I track her. She has a schedule. Sometimes I’m there to watch her.

Up at 6 a.m. She tweets a dream.

At the gym by 6:30. It has big windows. And good parking across the street.

She tweets her burned calories.

Shower. At 7. She doesn’t tweet from the shower.

She tweets the clothes she wears sometimes. Shirts, skirts, pants.

That’s usually at about 7:20.

She usually eats light. Toast, unbuttered. Sometimes a smoothie. Or oatmeal with sliced mango.

She tweets boastfully about her diet.

It’s about 7:50 when she gets on the bus. She tweets about the weather as the bus pulls away from the stop.

I put pins on a Google Map as the bus carves out her twitter-passage through the city.

She’s off the bus at 8:23.

The wind catches her hair, ruffles her scarf.

I watch her.

She walks down the sidewalk for two blocks. Sometimes she tweets while she waits at a light to cross the street.

She goes to Starbucks just before heading up to the office.

I wait outside for her. In the bus shelter across the street.

As she waits for her soya latte she tweets a friend.

Her office is upstairs. She’s there by 9. One final tweet about her idiot boss before the work silence.

I wait.

Her friends start to tweet replies about lunch plans mid-morning when they take coffee breaks.

If they name the restaurant, I’m there ahead of them. I find a corner table and wait, drinking coffee.

Sometimes I don’t know where she goes.

That’s OK. Twitter will tell me.

When she tweets about the sandwich she orders, I know where she is. She likes exotic fillings. Roasted eggplant. Curried beef.

I race to the tweet’s location.

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of her.

Sometimes I’m only there in time to watch them clear her plate, see a napkin with a smudge of her lipstick.

I’ll stop at an internet cafe when she’s safely back at work.

I pin her tweet locations on a Google Map. My finger sweeps across the screen, follows her passage through the city.

I spend some time remembering her last few days, her schedule, her moods.

She was sad last Sunday. Her cat died that weekend. Her friends sent her supportive tweets.

Last Tuesday she consoled herself with a new comforter for her bed. It’s red, with yellow flowers and paisleys.

Wednesday she wrapped it around herself and curled up on the couch to watch Australia.

She tweeted her tears when the Drover learned Mrs. Boss wasn’t dead. I cried with her, watched it with her at my home.

We were together. We were one, in Twitter.

Friday. Ah, Friday.

I lost track of her, until Twitter told me where she was. She tweeted from a club near her apartment.

She went out dancing with friends. She tweeted about her seven Bellinis. Her spelling was terrible.

I stood at the bar and watched her flirt. It broke my heart.

She doesn’t know that I love her. I know everything about her.

Her favourite colour is dark orange. She loves Michael Ondaatje’s The English Patient.

She was born on Canada Day. She plays the violin. Her favourite actor is Ben Kingsley.

She’s everything to me. She fills my heart with joy. My skin prickles with each buzz of her tweets on my cellphone.

Like the wise owl said … I’m twitterpated.

She danced with a man that Friday night. A lot.

She was giddy. She went to the ladies room to tweet about his ass, his chest hair.

She tried to kiss him clumsily when she came back.

He danced with another girl. She looked sad, ordered another Bellini.

Later, I followed the man outside when he left. I pulled him into an alley and broke his nose, told him never to hurt her again.

He just ran away.

When I went back inside the club she was gone.

I waited.

She tweeted from two blocks away, told her friends she was walking home.

I ran to catch up.

I followed behind her as she stumbled along the sidewalk.

She took off her heels and walked in her stockings.

The street was empty, just the odd car passed by.

It was time. It was time to tell her how much I love her.

Then she started to sing. Her voice rose up loud against the canyon of apartment buildings around us.

“Somewhere, over the rainbow…”

Suddenly, she stopped and turned to me. I was right behind her.

Her eyelids drooped drunkenly and she leaned against the wall. I could smell her perfume, her hair spray.

“Did you see Australia?” she asked, looking up at the sky and closing her eyes.

“No …” I stammered.

“Saddest movie, like, ever.”

Then the front door of her apartment building slammed shut and she was inside.

My finger is on that pin on Google Maps, that pin where I watched her through the glass as she fell onto the elevator.

My cellphone buzzes.

It’s her, a new tweet. She left work early and is on the bus.

I’m gonna have to hurry if I want to watch her shop for fruit before she goes home.

Andrew Robulack is a Whitehorse-based freelance writer and technology solutions consultant specializing in Macs, the internet, and mobile devices. Read his blog online

at www.geeklife.ca.

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Yukon RCMP are making an appeal for information in the case of Mary Ann Ollie, who was murdered in Ross River last year and whose case remains unsolved. (Black Press file)
Yukon youth being extorted online

Yukon RCMP say they’ve received three reports of youth being extorted on… Continue reading

Fines for contravening the fire ban start at $1,150 and could go as high as $100,000. File photo
Yukon campgrounds will open on May 1 this year. (Black Press file)
Yukon campgrounds to open early

Yukon campgrounds will open on May 1 this year. The early opening… Continue reading

Whitehorse Chamber of Commerce executive director Susan Guatto and program manager Andrei Samson outside the chamber office in downtown Whitehorse Feb. 23. (Stephanie Waddell, Yukon News)
When business models shift

Whitehorse chamber offers digital marketing workshop

Yukonomist Keith Halliday
Yukonomist: The aesthetics and economics of highway strips

One of the many cultural experiences you enjoy while driving from Whitehorse… Continue reading

Submitted
Artwork by Grade 2 student Faith showing her thanks for everyone.
Artwork by Grade 2 student Faith showing her thanks for everyone. (Submitted)
Yukon kids express gratitude for nature, pets and friends in art campaign

More than 50 children submitted artwork featuring things they are grateful for

Tom Ullyett, pictured, is the first Yukoner to receive the Louis St-Laurent Award of Excellence from the Canadian Bar Association for his work as a community builder and mentor in the territory. (Gabrielle Plonka/Yukon News)
Tom Ullyett wins lifetime achievement award from the Canadian Bar Association

Ullyett has worked in the Yukon’s justice ecosystem for 36 years as a public sector lawyer and mentor

The Blood Ties outreach van will now run seven nights a week, thanks to a boost in government funding. Logan Godin, coordinator, and Jesse Whelen, harm reduction counsellor, are seen here on May 12, 2020. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
Blood Ties outreach van running seven nights a week with funding boost

The Yukon government is ramping up overdose response, considering safe supply plan

Ranj Pillai speaks to media about business relief programs in Whitehorse on April 1, 2020. The Yukon government announced Feb.25 that it will extend business support programs until September. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News)
Government extends business relief programs to September, launches new loan

“It really gives folks some help with supporting their business with cash flow.”

Whitehorse City Hall. (Joel Krahn/Yukon News file)
A look at decisions made by Whitehorse City Council this week

Bylaw amendment Whitehorse city council is moving closer with changes to a… Continue reading

Susie Rogan is a veteran musher with 14 years of racing experience and Yukon Journey organizer. (Yukon Journey Facebook)
Yukon Journey mushers begin 255-mile race

Eleven mushers are participating in the race from Pelly Crossing to Whitehorse

Legislative assembly on the last day of the fall sitting in Whitehorse on Nov. 22, 2018. As the legislature prepares to return on March 4, the three parties are continuing to finalize candidates in the territory’s 19 ridings. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
Nine new candidates confirmed in Yukon ridings

It has been a busy two weeks as the parties try to firm up candidates

David Malcolm, 40, has been charged with assaulting and attempting to disarm a police officer after an incident in Whitehorse on Feb. 18. (Phil McLachlan/Capital News)
Man resists arrest, assaults officer

A Whitehorse man has been charged with assaulting and attempting to disarm… Continue reading

Yukon Energy in Whitehorse on Aug. 4, 2020. A site on Robert Service Way near the Alaska Highway has been selected as the future home of Yukon Energy’s energy storage project. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
Site selected for Yukon Energy battery project

Planned to be in service by the end of 2022

Most Read