Beware of bread  . . . Can the smell of baking bread be equaled in a kitchen? Buns come close, stew too. Pie is a contender.

Beware of bread  . . .

Can the smell of baking bread be equaled in a kitchen? Buns come close, stew too. Pie is a contender. But bread, well it evokes some great memories so it gets the nod. Two years in a bakery smelling baking bread is a good first job, and the frills are a special loaf, or pie for you somewhere. Hazardous it was not, well, until a recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read: “Beware – bread on the rise,” and continued with this startling claim: “The smell of baked bread may be a health hazard.”

The writer, unidentified, states emphatically, “I’m not making this stuff up, this is just in from the Libertarian Party Online.”

With tongue in check, this imaginative writer, back in July suggested to authorities that most North American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant fact, and meaningless statistical babbling, that bread restrictions need to be imposed now.

Some impositions he suggested included: 

— No sale of bread to minors.

— No advertising of bread within a mile of a school. 

— Impose a 300-per-cent tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills it will cause.

— A nationwide “Just Say No to Toast” campaign, complete with celebrity TV spots.

Meanwhile back in the bakery, and in some kitchens, the smell of baking bread goes on, and on, making someone’s day as it is molded, rises, and bakes, and then is sliced, smothered with butter — which is good for us now — and … well, there’s only one way to better those pleasures — breaking bread with family and friends.  

Nonsense, real and imagined, flits in and out of our world like a butterfly, touching lightly on some, provoking disdain in others, and the creative turn it into fun and frolic. It just dawned on me that maybe this anonymous writer was having a lark with all of us. If so, to him a salute with the Aussie expression – Good on ya, mate!

Gordie’s Day …

Gordie used to make our day on the first of May. He’d phone all his friends, and recite his little ditty:

“Hooray, Hooray, it’s the first of May,

Outdoor (activities) starts today.” 

Then he’d hang up, leaving you grinning, and sharing his ditty with others.

Is there a better way to start a day, or a month, than sharing a smile with a friend?

(Oh, this is a do-it-yourself version of Gordie’s ditty. The word “activities” in brackets may be replaced with a word of your choice.)

Double Tongues, Double Speak, Double Trouble . . .

Lying is a sin!

Well it was, once upon a time, when we were children in Sunday School.

Another rule, in the same vein, was the camera doesn’t lie! Documentary filmmakers, among others, laid that one on us, especially when TV came along.

Well sir, I bought that documentary bit, and then on Monday last, just like Humpty Dumpty, my lifelong trust came tumbling down. 

“After all, documentaries blend fact and entertainment – we’re using the rules of illusion to reach the truth,” said a documentary filmmaker in a CBC television piece on April 23. 

I missed his name. Besides, how do I know if it’s a real name or an illusion?

“Facts aren’t allowed to get in the way of entertainment,” touted another, followed by “Documentaries are always full of fakery, so what?” I missed their name too. They could’ve been fake, right?

Dare we conclude they’re selling half-truths? I stand corrected there too. An anonymous lady explained one day, “a half-truth is like saying you’re half pregnant; there’s no such thing, either you are telling the truth or you are not.” 

OK, so the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth in documentaries has been reduced, according to their own gospel, to something akin to the illusions of our friendly neighborhood magician — the illusion, the whole illusion and nothing but the illusion. Although, in the magician’s case, we don’t mind paying. We know he, or she, is fooling us, and it is entertaining.

I do hope An Inconvenient Truth, the Global Warming Gospel according to Gore, and the flip side of this documentary global warming debate, The Great Global Warming Swindle, haven’t followed the same rules as those fellows in their production, don’t you? Oh well, we can always fall back on Anonymous’s advice: “When all else fails and the instructions are missing, kick it.” 

A tip of the hat to Gordie, the first of May,  a Yukon summer and all that daylight coming our way!