Life, you know, is rather like opening a tin of sardines. We are all of us looking for the key. (Alan Bennett, British actor.

Life, you know, is rather like opening a tin of sardines. We are all of us looking for the key. (Alan Bennett, British actor.)

Small Town Canada — soon to become an urban myth?

John owned the only hair salon in his small town. He cut and styled the hair of pretty much everyone in town. He took comfort knowing he had it all to himself, and pride in doing quality work. He made a good living, evidenced by him and his wife being able to send their children to university.

Unfortunately, for him anyway, a big chain hair salon came to town, and set up shop right across the street from him.

Immediately its advertising campaign flooded the town, including bill boards: “Everything for $10! $10 haircuts, $10 perms, $10 manicures, everything.”

Soon he could sit in one of his empty chairs and watch many of his customers — his neighbours — going across the street. He knew his staff would soon be gone too.

“I’m finished,” he said to his wife, “It’s impossible for me to compete!”

She encouraged him to think on it awhile. He did, and in a final, desperate move hired an expensive consultant, his last hurrah, he called it.

The consultant sat, for a long time, in one of his empty chairs, studying the big salon across the street. Finally he said, “You’re not finished yet.”

He picked up the phone — this was way back when everyone didn’t have a phone in their pocket — and he called the town’s only billboard company.

“Yes,” John heard him say, “I want a billboard on top of John’s Salon, and in big letters this message: WE FIX $10 HAIRCUTS.”

No pressure, no diamonds. (Mary Case)

Kids say the darndest things …

“I’m only going to school until it’s available on DVD,” said an anonymous Grade 6 student. Could we, would we, call this kid a thinker?

Sounds like he’s the kind of kid who’ll grow up and use the Patience Prayer: “God grant me patience … and I want it right now!”

If ignorance is bliss why aren’t more people happy?

Bill Cosby’s serious side:

To illustrate the premise “you can give people an education, but you cannot make them think,” Bill Cosby told university graduates how his father’s street smarts got him an A in a philosophy course.

The class was debating an old question: “Is the glass half empty, or half full?”

Cosby ran it by his dad, and his dad’s immediate reply was, “It depends if you’re pouring, or you’re drinking.”

Reach down and lift others up. It’s the best exercise you can get.

Don’t mess with Henry …

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals kept sticking her nose into other people’s business.

Though many people disapproved of her ways, they feared her enough to keep silent.

Her righteous reign zeroed in on Henry, new in town, and to the congregation. She took him to task in front of a crowd of people and accused him of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup truck parked in front of the town’s bar for a whole afternoon and evening, saying everyone seeing his truck there would know what he was doing.

Henry, taciturn as they come, stared at her as she babbled on, then turned and walked away speaking nary a word.

Later that evening Henry drove to Mildred’s house, parked his truck right in front, walked home, and left it there all night.

Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

A tip of the hat to Henry, and all his kin and soul mates. I’m guessing he was familiar with Grandpa’s old saying: “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.”

Happy Birthday, Bern!