The Encyclopedia of Immaturity Even at low volume, the hooting and hollering coming from the television set loudspeakers became a cacophony…

The Encyclopedia of Immaturity

Even at low volume, the hooting and hollering coming from the television set loudspeakers became a cacophony reminiscent of a pack of hounds harrying hares.

The mailman came and opening mail was a welcome distraction from watching the last House of Commons question period of this sitting.

Hope springs eternal, ‘tis said, so I left it on hoping they’d finish with a friendly flourish of harmony as we might expect from the leaders of the land, the “honorable” ladies and gentlemen.

They didn’t!

The first envelope from the mailman was an ad, aimed at file 13 when a title jumped out like a neon light: “The Encyclopedia of Immaturity, a guide for the well-rounded Goof.”

You could probably see the horns coming out of my head as a devilish, unfair and wicked comparison came to mind.

The list of the essays in this encyclopedia from the editors of Klutz for 10- to 13-year-olds, included such erudite essays as “How to hang a spoon from your nose” which became how to hang up the opposition with hapology.

Snorting rubber bands became how to hornswoggle the members opposite. How to break your nose became how to break answers into higgledypiggedly. How to really annoy your older sibling became how to make them look and act as if they’ve just quaffed a hogshead of ale.

Actions speak louder than words ‘tis oft said, and their actions, especially in the televised question period suggest there really is an instruction manual, an Encyclopedia of Hype — a guide to well rounded political spoofs somewhere because it seems illogical all 301 of our MPs could pick up such ham-handed manners off the streets overnight as they appear to do.

Ah, but I still have faith.

I believe they’re doing their level best, our honorable ladies and gentlemen of our Houses on the Hill. Nonetheless I thought they should know that a personal straw poll revealed that, in the 500-channel universe they’re in the trash category along with 99 and 44/100 per cent of TV programming.

Each program, including theirs, is competing with the others to become the program filled with the most hams trying to hamstring other hams like slapstick comedians of the early days of in silent movies, resulting in a downhill slide with quantity galore and quality no more. Actually the silent movies were better, but that’s another story.

Anyway, we do not think that’s where our parliamentarians should be positioned in the TV spectrum, or should want to be, do you?

One elder summed up our survey results when she said, “Guests from other lands tell me their parliaments are chaotic, and just once, as a Canadian, I’d like to be able to turn on question period to show guests from other lands what legislative decorum should really look like. I sure can’t these days.”

Honours are silly toys, and titles but empty names. (Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Jumping to conclusions is dangerous work…

A photographer was assigned to cover forest fires. Get pictures of the heroic work the firefighters do, were the boss’ instructions.

The smoke was heavy, so he asked for a plane so he could move around quickly.

One will be waiting at the airport, he was told, and sure enough a plane was warming up when he arrived.

He jumped in and said, “Let’s go.”

The pilot taxied out and took off. The photographer said to the pilot, “I want you to make some low passes over the fires so I can get some pictures of the firefighters in action on the ground.”

“Why do you want me to do that?” asked the pilot.

 “Didn’t they tell you I’m a photographer for a newspaper and I need to get some close-up shots of the firefighters in action?”

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, then stammered, “So, what you’re telling me is you’re NOT my flight instructor?”

A tip of the hat, and a Happy Independence Day to our Alaskan neighbours on their big birthday bash.

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Wyatt’s World

Wyatt’s World for March 5, 2021.

Yukonomist: School competition ramps up in the Yukon

It’s common to see an upstart automaker trying to grab share from… Continue reading

The Yukon government responded to a petition calling the SCAN Act “draconian” on Feb. 19. (Yukon News file)
Yukon government accuses SCAN petitioner of mischaracterizing her eviction

A response to the Jan. 7 petition was filed to court on Feb. 19

City councillor Samson Hartland in Whitehorse on Dec. 3, 2018. Hartland has announced his plans to run for mayor in the Oct. 21 municipal election. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
Councillor sets sights on mayor’s chair

Hartland declares election plans

Whitehorse RCMP will provide internet safety training due to an uptick of child luring offences. (iStock photo)
RCMP hosting internet safety webinars for parents and caregivers

The webinars will take place on March 23 and 25

Chief Medical Officer of Health Dr. Brendan Hanley receives his first dose of the COVID-19 vaccine from Public Health Nurse Angie Bartelen at the Yukon Convention Centre Clinic in Whitehorse on March 3. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News)
State of emergency extended for another 90 days

“Now we’re in a situation where we see the finish line.”

The Yukon government says it is working towards finding a solution for Dawson area miners who may be impacted by City of Dawson plans and regulations. (Joel Krahn/Yukon News file)
Miner expresses frustration over town plan

Designation of claims changed to future planning

Team Yukon athletes wave flags at the 2012 Arctic Winter Games opening ceremony in Whitehorse. The 2022 event in Wood Buffalo, Alta., has been postponed indefinitely. (Justin Kennedy/Yukon News file)
2022 Arctic Winter Games postponed indefinitely

Wood Buffalo, Alta., Host Society committed to rescheduling at a later date

Crews work to clear the South Klondike Highway after an avalanche earlier this week. (Submitted)
South Klondike Highway remains closed due to avalanches

Yukon Avalanche Association recommending backcountry recreators remain vigilant

RCMP Online Crime Reporting website in Whitehorse on March 5. (Haley Ritchie/Yukon News)
Whitehorse RCMP launch online crime reporting

Both a website and Whitehorse RCMP app are now available

A man walks passed the polling place sign at city hall in Whitehorse on Oct. 18, 2018. The City of Whitehorse is preparing for a pandemic-era election this October with a number of measures proposed to address COVID-19 restrictions. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
City gets set for Oct. 21 municipal election

Elections procedures bylaw comes forward

A rendering of the Normandy Manor seniors housing facility. (Photo courtesy KBC Developments)
Work on seniors housing project moves forward

Funding announced for Normandy Manor

Tom Ullyett, pictured, is the first Yukoner to receive the Louis St-Laurent Award of Excellence from the Canadian Bar Association for his work as a community builder and mentor in the territory. (Gabrielle Plonka/Yukon News)
Tom Ullyett wins lifetime achievement award from the Canadian Bar Association

Ullyett has worked in the Yukon’s justice ecosystem for 36 years as a public sector lawyer and mentor

Most Read