making the cut basketball viewers urged not to procreate


If watching college basketball with a bag of frozen peas on your crotch is your idea of good times, you’re in luck!

In a program dubbed Vas Madness, the Oregon Urology Institute is using this month’s NCAA basketball championships to advertise vasectomies, making March Madness sound more like March Lunacy.

It’s a two-tier program. Not only do patients get to watch basketball while getting snipped, according to the institute’s website, “most importantly” patients will get “a doctor’s note stating you need to sit on the couch and watch basketball!”

A clinic spokesman told local papers, “We try to create sort of a sports bar atmosphere without the alcohol and smoking.”

Yeah right, in the moments leading up to someone cutting into my scrotum, I will surely want to be in a doctor’s office with the atmosphere of a sports bar – that doesn’t serve alcohol!

I think we can all agree that this is a rather ballsy marketing campaign. Next sports stadiums will be promoting “Vasectomy Day” where the first 1,000 males get their vasa deferentia cut for no charge.

Oh Lord, what’s the holdup with those four horsemen already?

First, isn’t spending long hours doing nothing in front of the TV while filling one’s gullet with junk food a form of birth control in itself?

Second, what does this say about the creativeness of Americans? If B-ball fans have to resort to surgery to get out of work, we are all in big trouble.

We’ve gone from Ferris Bueller to Napoleon Dynamite in a generation.

Besides making basketball fans look like a bunch of lazy schmucks that place watching sports over their jobs, this can’t be great for the sport either. If fans have fewer children, there will be fewer fans in the future.

Furthermore, I’m no economist, but isn’t this the worst time since the 1936 Olympic Games to blow off work for athletics? The economy is tanking and unemployment is soaring – but what the hell, let’s all bugger off to watch basketball!

That makes about as much sense as Prime Minister Stephen Harper choosing someone who doesn’t believe in evolution as science minister… Oh yeah, apologies to Gary Goodyear.

All and all, in terms of birth control, it’s not too different from advertising condoms on TV. But in terms of surgery, now it seems it won’t be long before nose jobs, or any other minor, nonessential surgical procedures, are advertised on the tube.

Personally, my rule of thumb for picking a doctor is the same as picking a university: If they advertise on TV, they’re probably not at the forefront of their field.

Speaking of doctors – I swear I’m not making this up – one of the docs at the clinic is named Dr. Richard Chopp, as in Dr. “Dick” Chopp!

Let’s just let that soak in…

OK, now that we’re done cringing and laughing, I guess the last thing to say is I can think of a few other TV audiences I’d prefer to be sterile.

If vas clinics want to put an axe in the genealogy of TV viewers, please advertise during Fox News, any reality show, the 700 Club and, of course, House.

Contact Tom Patrick at

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Team Yukon skip Laura Eby, left, directs her team as Team Northern Ontario skip Krysta Burns looks on at the Scotties Tournament of Hearts in Calgary on Feb. 22. (Jeff McIntosh/CP)
Team Yukon reports positive experience at Scotties

Team Yukon played their final game at the national championship in Calgary on Thursday afternoon

A sign indicating a drop-off area behind Selkirk Elementary school in Whitehorse on Feb. 25. (Haley Ritchie/Yukon News)
Parking lot proposal for Selkirk Elementary criticized

Parents and school council are raising concerns about green space and traffic woes


Wyatt’s World for Feb. 26, 2021

Josi Leideritz, the executive director for the Yukon Quest International Association (Canada), poses for a photo in Whitehorse on Oct.1, 2020. The Quest announced plans for its 2022 race to start in Fairbanks on Feb. 5. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
2022 Quest planning gets underway

Race would begin Feb. 5 in Fairbanks

Beadwork and boots being sold by the Yukon First Nations Culture and Tourism Association. A survey from StatsCan reveals the number of Indigenous people who make handmade crafts. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
Survey reveals number of Yukoners who speak Indigenous languages

Yukon is behind Nunavut and Northwest Territories when it comes to language retention

Tom Ullyett, pictured, is the first Yukoner to receive the Louis St-Laurent Award of Excellence from the Canadian Bar Association for his work as a community builder and mentor in the territory. (Gabrielle Plonka/Yukon News)
Tom Ullyett wins lifetime achievement award from the Canadian Bar Association

Ullyett has worked in the Yukon’s justice ecosystem for 36 years as a public sector lawyer and mentor

The Blood Ties outreach van will now run seven nights a week, thanks to a boost in government funding. Logan Godin, coordinator, and Jesse Whelen, harm reduction counsellor, are seen here on May 12, 2020. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
Blood Ties outreach van running seven nights a week with funding boost

The Yukon government is ramping up overdose response, considering safe supply plan

Ranj Pillai speaks to media about business relief programs in Whitehorse on April 1, 2020. The Yukon government announced Feb.25 that it will extend business support programs until September. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News)
Government extends business relief programs to September, launches new loan

“It really gives folks some help with supporting their business with cash flow.”

Whitehorse City Hall. (Joel Krahn/Yukon News file)
A look at decisions made by Whitehorse City Council this week

Bylaw amendment Whitehorse city council is moving closer with changes to a… Continue reading

Susie Rogan is a veteran musher with 14 years of racing experience and Yukon Journey organizer. (Yukon Journey Facebook)
Yukon Journey mushers begin 255-mile race

Eleven mushers are participating in the race from Pelly Crossing to Whitehorse

Legislative assembly on the last day of the fall sitting in Whitehorse on Nov. 22, 2018. As the legislature prepares to return on March 4, the three parties are continuing to finalize candidates in the territory’s 19 ridings. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
Nine new candidates confirmed in Yukon ridings

It has been a busy two weeks as the parties try to firm up candidates

David Malcolm, 40, has been charged with assaulting and attempting to disarm a police officer after an incident in Whitehorse on Feb. 18. (Phil McLachlan/Capital News)
Man resists arrest, assaults officer

A Whitehorse man has been charged with assaulting and attempting to disarm… Continue reading

Yukon Energy in Whitehorse on Aug. 4, 2020. A site on Robert Service Way near the Alaska Highway has been selected as the future home of Yukon Energy’s energy storage project. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
Site selected for Yukon Energy battery project

Planned to be in service by the end of 2022

Most Read