Did s/he really say that?

Language shortcuts are “in” today. The s/he popped up yesterday.

U knw wat? It’s not new! We’ve probably been at it since the first grunt was uttered when s/he found a club.

Fifty years ago “xyl” was an abbreviation for wife.

It meant ex-young lady.

D.O.T. R.O.’s on the NWSR used it in their Morse code exchanges. (D.O.T. Department of Transport; N.W.S.R. Northwest Staging Route; R.O.’s Radio Operators.)

 Such shortcuts and abbreviations often lengthen the conversation as we explain the meaning, giving cause to wonder why we bother.

Just as you wonder if remarks attributed to the “celebrity wing” of our world, where pride, astuteness, wisdom and linguistic skills are expected, although lately we’re often asking, ‘Did s/he really say that?’

An unnamed congressman from Texas is today’s number one for his words summing up our idea of his vocation: “That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.”

Surely, the Guru of Green didn’t say it, but the media say he did. “It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”

Hillary’s husband isn’t far behind. “If we don’t succeed we run the risk of failure,” uttered ‘tis told, when he was Pres.

From Down Under a Mr. Enderbery apparently told the world, “Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.” Wikipedia says he was a politician and a Supreme Court Judge.

One conclusion is even “celebrities” get thoughts and tongues twisted with their feet of clay, and can be outdone by s/he’s creativity with a telephone answering machine.

John’s, for example: “A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here, so leave a message.”

Mary wishes to remain anonymous with her, “Hi. I am probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave a message, and if I don’t call back it’s you.” 

Sources are essential in this business and the source of all these thinking/speaking misdemeanors is today’s unquestioned dispenser of the gospel of fact, fiction, tomfoolery and monkey business, the internet.

If you’ve read this far, you’ll note there are no Canadian lingo misdemeanors charged. The reason, it is ever at hand. Watch any question period, in any legislative home in the land, and the Canadian equivalents are laid out for us like a banquet table set for the Queen.

More’s the pity though, although, more often than not, there’s little ‘mind meat-and-potatoes’ being served.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, there’s s/he, the automobile driving equivalent of this meandering in the outback of the mind.

S/he nursed the sputtering car to a garage.

Mechanic: “Nice car, what’s the matter?”

S/he: “Dunno, that’s why I’m here.”

The mechanic tinkered, and in minutes the car was purring like a kitten, and he said “Simple really, just crap in the carb.”

S/he: “Oh, how many times a week do I have to do that?”

  Be careful out there; as well as a driver’s license, s/he also has a cellphone, a BlackBerry, a dashboard map, texting and is prone to carry a Timmies in the non driving hand.

  A tip of the hat to those folk gifted with skill, creativity, and pride in all they do, including sign designers such as this one.

If the image mimics your condition on the way in, I doubt there’d be a smile, but on the way out, surely we’d leave with a grin on our face, and a skookum thanks to the artist for their gift of a smile.