Hmmmmm! There's a story told of a man named Dwight Morrow who was on his regular train ride when the conductor asked for his ticket. Apparently Morrow was a bit absent-minded and couldn't find it. The conductor, who knew him well, told him not to worry, j


There’s a story told of a man named Dwight Morrow who was on his regular train ride when the conductor asked for his ticket. Apparently Morrow was a bit absent-minded and couldn’t find it.

The conductor, who knew him well, told him not to worry, just mail it in when you find it.

“I know I have it,” Morrow said, “but I need it. What I want to know is where in the devil I’m going.”

Despite all the reassuring words being plastered upon us, as if from a whipped-cream dispenser, about our recession (nee depression), there’s a lot of us can relate to Morrow’s dilemma. The dilemma was heightened when a newscast revealed the depth of the recession, reporting 70,000 factories have closed in China in the last year or so. That’s much more definitive than the whipped-cream language, which is about as helpful as this Archie Bunkerism: “What was, was; what is, is; and what’s gonna be, is gonna be.”

A saving grace may be an injection of some old advice from Aldous Huxley: “A little ruthless laughter clears the air as nothing else can do; it is good for us, every now and then, to see our ideals laughed at, our conception of nobility caricatured; it is good for solemnity’s nose to be tweaked, for human solemnity to be made to look ridiculous.”

Disorder in the Court, for example. A book which tells some of the exchanges recorded, word for word, by court reporters working in our legal system. Imagine having to keep a straight face while recording these exchanges. Oh, and if you’ve been wondering about our justice system, perhaps these will help in your deliberations.

1) Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year.

2) Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice, which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

3) Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere. (Careful, Doc!)

Maybe our children, in their naivety, really do have a better grasp on things than we do. A Grade 6 history class somewhere in Canada gave us these versions of history, some as relevant and entertaining as many of the current crop of “home movies” on our television networks.

1) Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2) Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3) Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

4) In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits and threw the java. (A recession-style Olympics idea from the mouths of babes, wot?)

We live in hope that these tales are merely tales and not an indication of the current state of our world and the people on it. But, hey, not to worry. A special day, “National Pizza With the Works except Anchovies Day,” is coming – soon!

A tip of the hat to George Carlin, his insight, and his incite. “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” Another tip of the hat to comedians, and thinkers.

May the thinkers prevail, and be listened to, while the comedians keep our spirits up as we the people work together through this dilemma with our share of life’s moments to take our breath away. Actually, where we live can do that every so often – so we should be OK!

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Crystal Schick/Yukon News
Calvin Delwisch poses for a photo inside his DIY sauna at Marsh Lake on Feb. 18.
Yukoners turning up the heat with unique DIY sauna builds

Do-it-yourselfers say a sauna built with salvaged materials is a great winter project

Wyatt’s World

Wyatt’s World for March 5, 2021.

Yukonomist: School competition ramps up in the Yukon

It’s common to see an upstart automaker trying to grab share from… Continue reading

The Yukon government responded to a petition calling the SCAN Act “draconian” on Feb. 19. (Yukon News file)
Yukon government accuses SCAN petitioner of mischaracterizing her eviction

A response to the Jan. 7 petition was filed to court on Feb. 19

City councillor Samson Hartland in Whitehorse on Dec. 3, 2018. Hartland has announced his plans to run for mayor in the Oct. 21 municipal election. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
Councillor sets sights on mayor’s chair

Hartland declares election plans

Chief Medical Officer of Health Dr. Brendan Hanley receives his first dose of the COVID-19 vaccine from Public Health Nurse Angie Bartelen at the Yukon Convention Centre Clinic in Whitehorse on March 3. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News)
State of emergency extended for another 90 days

“Now we’re in a situation where we see the finish line.”

The Yukon government says it is working towards finding a solution for Dawson area miners who may be impacted by City of Dawson plans and regulations. (Joel Krahn/Yukon News file)
Miner expresses frustration over town plan

Designation of claims changed to future planning

Team Yukon athletes wave flags at the 2012 Arctic Winter Games opening ceremony in Whitehorse. The 2022 event in Wood Buffalo, Alta., has been postponed indefinitely. (Justin Kennedy/Yukon News file)
2022 Arctic Winter Games postponed indefinitely

Wood Buffalo, Alta., Host Society committed to rescheduling at a later date

Housing construction continues in the Whistle Bend subdivision in Whitehorse on Oct. 29, 2020. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
Yukon Bureau of Statistics reports rising rents for Yukoners, falling revenues for businesses

The bureau has published several reports on the rental market and businesses affected by COVID-19

Council of Yukon First Nations grand chief Peter Johnston at the Yukon Forum in Whitehorse on Feb. 14, 2019. Johnston and Highways and Public Works Minister Richard Mostyn announced changes to the implementation of the Yukon First Nations Procurement Policy on March 3. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
Third phase added to procurement policy implementation

Additional time added to prep for two provisions

Crews work to clear the South Klondike Highway after an avalanche earlier this week. (Submitted)
South Klondike Highway remains closed due to avalanches

Yukon Avalanche Association recommending backcountry recreators remain vigilant

RCMP Online Crime Reporting website in Whitehorse on March 5. (Haley Ritchie/Yukon News)
Whitehorse RCMP launch online crime reporting

Both a website and Whitehorse RCMP app are now available

A man walks passed the polling place sign at city hall in Whitehorse on Oct. 18, 2018. The City of Whitehorse is preparing for a pandemic-era election this October with a number of measures proposed to address COVID-19 restrictions. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
City gets set for Oct. 21 municipal election

Elections procedures bylaw comes forward

Most Read