A web browser to make you yawn

When I think of Google's new web browser, Chrome, I experience this inescapable urge to yawn. Oh, excuse me, I - (yaaaawwwwwn). I realize that, as a geek who writes about stuff like web browsers, I'm supposed to care.

When I think of Google’s new web browser, Chrome, I experience this inescapable urge to yawn.

Oh, excuse me, I – (yaaaawwwwwn).

I realize that, as a geek who writes about stuff like web browsers, I’m supposed to care.

Heck, I’m supposed to get excited.

But, somehow, I just can’t.

You see, I’ve been through a lot of web browsers in my time.

In the beginning there was Mosaic. Then along came Navigator. Then Internet Explorer (which is really just Mosaic all over again, but branded Microsoft).

Then there was Cyberdog, iCab, Mozilla, Firefox, OmniWeb, Opera, Shirra, SeaMonkey, Camino, Flock, Safari.

And a whole bunch of other crap in between.

Now, there’s Chrome.

Yay. Chrome.


Another web browser.

Oh sure, the tabs look different.

And maybe it’s a little faster sometimes in certain esoteric laboratory situations.

And, of course, it has that Google beta geek-cachet.

But other than that, um…?

Google could have done so much more.

Like, as would be my preference, left well enough alone.

Because aren’t there enough inconsistent browser experiences out there without another one in the mix?

Fifteen years after my first trip to the web and the place is still broken.

One site works well with Internet Explorer, but not so well with Firefox.

Another works with Firefox but not Safari.

Take TD Canada Trust’s site, for example.

I use it for online banking.

The site works perfectly in Safari, until it’s time to pay my business taxes.

Then the site wants me to switch to Firefox for some unknown reason.

Now get ready for sites that work in Chrome, but not other browsers.

Chrome is just another wrinkle in the fabric of web browsers that’s already in bad need of an iron.

Hey, wait a minute. There’s what Google should have done.

Instead of Chrome, the company should have introduced Iron.

Then they should have plugged Iron in and applied heat to the web with a truly valuable new feature: an assurance of quality.

Google already knows about every site on the web. The company’s spiders have already crawled every page in existence.

Heck, the company is basically the web’s gatekeeper.

Based on this knowledge, Google Iron would make sure you only visit websites that are “wrinkle free.”

The guarantee of a starched-smooth browsing experience would be inherent in Iron because, well, it would just leave the wrinkled sites in the laundry hamper.

If you used Iron and tried to go to a web page that doesn’t meet Google’s standard of quality, you’d get this message: “Google has deemed that this page sucks, so we’re saving you the trouble of a bad experience by preventing you from viewing it.”

Or something like that.

If this sounds like martial law, that’s because it is.

The web is still a dog’s breakfast and it’s time for somebody to step in and whip it into shape.

And Google’s the perfect company to do it.

It has the geek cred.

It has consumer trust (over 90 per cent of web searches are conducted using Google).

And if the company has the cojones to release something as daftly lame as Wave, then it is certainly brave enough to institute the web’s first private security force.

But, actually, there’s all that privacy and neutrality and other legal crap they’d have to deal with if Iron ever saw the light of day.

And even Google doesn’t have enough money in its coffers to battle that many lawyers.

So, instead of Iron, we have Chrome, yet-another-browser that adds yet-another variable for web failure to the mix without bringing any significant new benefits to the scene.

So in closing, I’d just like to say that Chome is… um… zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Andrew Robulack is a Whitehorse-based freelance writer and technology solutions consultant specializing in Macs, the internet, and mobile devices. Read his blog online

at www.geeklife.ca.

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Yukon RCMP are making an appeal for information in the case of Mary Ann Ollie, who was murdered in Ross River last year and whose case remains unsolved. (Black Press file)
Yukon youth being extorted online

Yukon RCMP say they’ve received three reports of youth being extorted on… Continue reading

Fines for contravening the fire ban start at $1,150 and could go as high as $100,000. File photo
Yukon campgrounds will open on May 1 this year. (Black Press file)
Yukon campgrounds to open early

Yukon campgrounds will open on May 1 this year. The early opening… Continue reading

Whitehorse Chamber of Commerce executive director Susan Guatto and program manager Andrei Samson outside the chamber office in downtown Whitehorse Feb. 23. (Stephanie Waddell, Yukon News)
When business models shift

Whitehorse chamber offers digital marketing workshop

Yukonomist Keith Halliday
Yukonomist: The aesthetics and economics of highway strips

One of the many cultural experiences you enjoy while driving from Whitehorse… Continue reading

Artwork by Grade 2 student Faith showing her thanks for everyone.
Artwork by Grade 2 student Faith showing her thanks for everyone. (Submitted)
Yukon kids express gratitude for nature, pets and friends in art campaign

More than 50 children submitted artwork featuring things they are grateful for

Tom Ullyett, pictured, is the first Yukoner to receive the Louis St-Laurent Award of Excellence from the Canadian Bar Association for his work as a community builder and mentor in the territory. (Gabrielle Plonka/Yukon News)
Tom Ullyett wins lifetime achievement award from the Canadian Bar Association

Ullyett has worked in the Yukon’s justice ecosystem for 36 years as a public sector lawyer and mentor

The Blood Ties outreach van will now run seven nights a week, thanks to a boost in government funding. Logan Godin, coordinator, and Jesse Whelen, harm reduction counsellor, are seen here on May 12, 2020. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
Blood Ties outreach van running seven nights a week with funding boost

The Yukon government is ramping up overdose response, considering safe supply plan

Ranj Pillai speaks to media about business relief programs in Whitehorse on April 1, 2020. The Yukon government announced Feb.25 that it will extend business support programs until September. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News)
Government extends business relief programs to September, launches new loan

“It really gives folks some help with supporting their business with cash flow.”

Whitehorse City Hall. (Joel Krahn/Yukon News file)
A look at decisions made by Whitehorse City Council this week

Bylaw amendment Whitehorse city council is moving closer with changes to a… Continue reading

Susie Rogan is a veteran musher with 14 years of racing experience and Yukon Journey organizer. (Yukon Journey Facebook)
Yukon Journey mushers begin 255-mile race

Eleven mushers are participating in the race from Pelly Crossing to Whitehorse

Legislative assembly on the last day of the fall sitting in Whitehorse on Nov. 22, 2018. As the legislature prepares to return on March 4, the three parties are continuing to finalize candidates in the territory’s 19 ridings. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
Nine new candidates confirmed in Yukon ridings

It has been a busy two weeks as the parties try to firm up candidates

David Malcolm, 40, has been charged with assaulting and attempting to disarm a police officer after an incident in Whitehorse on Feb. 18. (Phil McLachlan/Capital News)
Man resists arrest, assaults officer

A Whitehorse man has been charged with assaulting and attempting to disarm… Continue reading

Yukon Energy in Whitehorse on Aug. 4, 2020. A site on Robert Service Way near the Alaska Highway has been selected as the future home of Yukon Energy’s energy storage project. (Crystal Schick/Yukon News file)
Site selected for Yukon Energy battery project

Planned to be in service by the end of 2022

Most Read